Thursday, June 7, 2012

Momma Guilt

I am pretty sure this is all normal Momma behavior, but just throwing it out there anyway. I experience Momma Guilt alot in many different ways, but here are three big ones:

When Nathan and I were trying for our second baby I felt guilty watching Noah play alone since we were having trouble conceiving again. I was worried he would never have a sibling, and I have not had good dealings with children with no siblings in my life - not all of them are bad, but alot of them are hard to handle. Now, God blessed us and I am pregnant with our second child. Then, I was feeling guilty that I had rushed it - what if two and a half years was too close together? Noah will not remember a time before the baby got here! Did we spend enough one on one time with our first miracle before rushing into the second one? The second baby will never have a chance to be our only baby so that is not fair to it either - but at the same time I cannot imagine only having Noah as our only child - so confusing! I am over that mostly now, I just try to do lots of special things with Noah now so that he gets to enjoy being the only child for a little while. I am not worried about not having enough love to go around - I love my nieces and nephews like my own already! I just don't want to make any of my kids lives harder due to my desire to have more children. I want to be able to give them good lives and be able to take the time to raise them right. This baby is not even here yet, and I already have planned in my head to wait until this baby is close to 3 and try for our third and final baby - which will end up being twins I just know! God will not give me more than I can handle and I hope Noah and his new sibling will be best friends (eventually) and always have eachother as family long after Nathan and I are gone.

Spanking is another Momma Guilt I have. I rarely spank Noah - time out is way more effective with him I have learned, but sometimes he does get spanked. I said spanked, not beaten - there is a difference that some parents do not know about. I feared my parents growing up. I knew what was right and wrong and what was expected of me and I knew I would be disciplined if I didn't do the right thing. I did not back talk or question what they told me to do - and I still don't, it is just a respect thing. Noah is still young and learning things, but I know when he knows better and when he just doesn't understand. He will push the limits and sometimes that leads to a swat on the hand or butt. Now, with that said - I instantly, every single time, feel guilty after I do that. I question as to whether I was patient enough or if there was another way it could have been handled. I do not show this to Noah, that would just confuse him. I think spanking a kid is part of being a parent - a very crappy part, but a part nonetheless. I fully understand the whole "this hurts me more than it hurts you" phrase. I am hoping that I can raise Noah and the new baby to respect me so that I will not have to constantly be disciplining them. That is my goal. I know it is attainable - I am proof of that.

My other Momma Guilt, so far in my 2 years of Mommahood, is leaving my child. I am all for parents needing time away from their children, and I do leave Noah to do things with Nathan. These are special times however, not weekly dates, sometimes not even monthly. Usually it is when something comes up we want to do like watch a movie or one of our birthdays and occasionally I will go watch Nathan play softball. I have lots of people willing to watch Noah and I will make the plans with them. Then, when it comes time to leave, the guilt hits. I have never cancelled due to the guilt (it is not that bad - HA!), but I feel bad for wanting to do something away from my child. I feel like a bad mother and that I am the one who needs to be taking care of him - it is my job. I have been told by some mom friends that they feel the same way and it never gets better. Then I know parents who are constantly leaving their kids with other people and it blows my mind. I am just going with this being a good guilt to have - my mothering runs deep! HA!

2 comments:

  1. I understand all of them, but your last guilt...it's like I wrote it word for word. And we rarely leave our children. If we have to, it's their grandparents and I still feel guilty. I think it just shows the love we have for our children.

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    1. Glad I am not alone! Bring on the guilt if it shows our love! :)

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