I am going to say "to each their own" and then go on to totally go against that. I know alot of people having babies right now. In fact, I found out about 17 new pregnancies in about 3 weeks time. That is alot of babies. So, there is alot of baby talk around me and I keep hearing this and it drives me crazy. I do not understand people saying they do not want a certain gender of baby. I just do not get it. It is not that moms want girls and dads want boys - I have heard it both ways. I have heard more girls saying they don't want girls though - how a girl can say they don't want a girl is beyond me. You are a girl afterall! Do you hate yourself? I don't mean a mom or dad that already has one gender and really wants the other gender for their next chlid (that is an understandable hope), I am talking about those people who tell other pregnant people how "boys (or girls) are better/easier/more fun". It drives me nuts!
I have heard boys are easier than girls, and girls are easier than boys. I have heard girls require too much fuss and have so much drama. Newsflash: each kid is different just as each family is different! Some kids, boy or girl, are going to be just as hard to raise as the other. I have coached 4 year old to 13 year old boys and girls and I am here to tell you the boys were just as dramatic and fussy as the girls. My dad said his girl was way easier to raise then his boys and my mom said the same thing. But, I had rebellious trouble making brothers. Other families I know it to be just the opposite. I have heard the whole thing about "girls can get pregnant" - well, any boy I raise will be just as involved and struggle with the girl, whether they are still with the girl or not. That is part of raising a boy to do the right thing.
I do not like forcing sports on children or "girly" things on girls. I know someone whose niece wanted a doll for Christmas and they refused to get her one and got her a basketball instead and said she didn't need to play with dolls! The girl was 3! Ridiculous. Kids are not meant to live out a parents dreams. Kids are meant to be the parents dream. God will give you the gender and personality of the child he wants you to have. End of story. I cannot imagine being pregnant and not wanting the child or not being excited about my child because it wasn't the gender I wanted. I have 14 nieces and nephews and they are all very different and awesome in their own way. Some of them get on my nerves occasionally, but it is more of the age and stage they are in than the fact they are a basketball playing boy or a cheerleading girl.
So, like I said, to each their own, but not really. Quit being ignorant and realize each child is a unique gift from God meant to be exactly as they are. Ahhhh, I feel better now. :)
I would like to say that I agree with most of your post. We are suppose to enjoy the dream life of having children. Not make them live out our dreams. I think gender categorization is unfair. If jack wants a babydoll instead of a basketball by God I'll get him one!
ReplyDeleteThat being said, id like to offer my point of view, as a woman who tells other women and one who wholeheartedly fears it herself, that the idea of having a daughter is frightening. Yes it bc im a girl. And bc I'm a girl I know I'll be sympathetic and empathetic to every single emotional tormenting moment she has. Her first heartbreak, acne, girls being mean to her, feeling inadequate bc of poor self image brought on by puberty, the other million milestones that can bring joy and/or heartache but are essential to growing up.. Those are things that melt my heart now, when I don't even have a daughter to actually worry about yet. So if/when i do, the emotions I'll experience will be tenfold. She will bring blessings like any child. But i don't think it can Be denied that a mother has a very strong role in her daughters life. And for me personally, my mother ruined all the opportunities she had to form a bond with me, make me feel special, loved, forgiven, whatever it is a mother is supposed to do. And with that has come this paralyzing fear that I could make another human being, my OWN daughter, feel as unloved and unworthy as my mother made me feel. And that, in and of itself, is why I personally shudder at the idea of having a girl. Why I so desperately wanted a boy first. I knew I wouldn't mess up with a boy. I'm still terrified that God will give me a girl in the future, and that she will not value my presence in her life.
While this is my reasoning, I can't speak for all. Some people may just have nasty attitudes for no reason. But deep down, I suspect we all have reasons for the preferences we make well known.
Thanks for sharing your ideas on your blog. I love reading the things you write. Always full of sustenance!!!
I hate that you have had all that going on for so long and that all that has happened to you. I see your point and it is valid and I do not think that the people I hear say that are coming from such a powerful place as you. Usually it is someone with all of one gender preaching about how much better it is than the other. I do know people who do not want a certain gender out of fear of raising them wrong, and while that is a healthy fear, I think the only way to make it better is getting out of the comfort zone and just doing it because you have to - unless you want to give the kid up. I think boys go through alot of the same girl emotions but play tough. I remember my brother going through several issues that he would only talk to my mom about - they were bonded like that - and other people never knew. You are a wonderful mother to Jack and in my opinion you would be a wonderful mother to a daughter. You already know what NOT to do afterall! :)
DeleteAhhhh Jessie, you're so sweet!! Again, I agree with you and feel confronting fears is one of the best ways to deal with an unhealthy fear. And I also agree that many people just don't realize how grateful they should be about having children, ANY gender. And I'm not trying to come across as "poor me" about my point of view in previous post. Just a point that I've met a lot of women with similar upbringings who fear raising girls. I just hope that like me, these women will be grateful for every child God gives them. You're a great mama too!! So keep on blogging!! ;)
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