Thursday, November 12, 2015

My Perfect Facebook Life

I have had some people comment to me lately about how I have the "perfect marriage" or that Nathan and I have the "perfect relationship" or that I am "such a good mom". This really flattered me. More than it should have probably. Honestly, I strive for perfection because even though I know it is impossible, I figure going for it will get me as close as possible. These comments also made me think about the few couples I see on Facebook and think to myself "they have the perfect relationship" or "there is no way they fight" or there is "no way they ever lose patience with their kids". NO WAY.  But, realizing that some people think that about me makes me realize that maybe they do - and it bursts my bubble and honestly I do not like it!



I felt compelled to throw this out there. I, by far, do not have a perfect marriage or relationship. At least not in the concept that we do not fight and every day is rainbows and sunshine. Nathan knows exactly how to push  my buttons and depending on his mood he does just that. He doesn't pick up after himself and has habits that I am not fond of. I on the other hand, am a terrible cook, rarely do anything with anyone besides my kids, and can be a nag. Do you see me complaining on Facebook about Nathan's short comings all the time? Nope. I do not see the point.  I have never understood the point of complaining to others about your spouse, especially on social media - others cannot change your spouses behavior, only your spouse can so why not complain (or nicely talk) to them about it? (I do however reserve the right to give him a hard time on social media about things, but I can guarantee you if I am putting it out there, it is not that big of a deal, I just like giving him a hard time, it is part of my charm ya know:) )



We are not perfect together:

He hates making the bed. I insist it be made as soon as we get up.
He likes total darkness and silence to go to sleep. I like the tv on.
He never closes his dresser drawers and I cannot stand for them to even be cracked open.
He loves watching history shows and westerns. Those things bore me to death.
He has a lot of friends. I have a select few friends.
He and his family do not really celebrate birthdays. Me and my family make each persons day a big deal (I mean, it is a big deal after all)
He likes camping and canoeing. I used to love these things as a child but no longer like them anymore.
He loves rap music. I love watching him sing along to rap music, but I prefer country or christian.
He loves green beans. I love black eyes peas.
He likes beer. I like being the designated driver.
He loves drag racing. I love watching him do something he is passionate about.
He loves to take naps. I cannot stand to nap.

The key to living with these things is compromise. It is really a big deal that he doesn't close the dresser drawers? No. Am I going to tell him it drives me crazy when he does it and jump on his back and tickle him? Absolutely. Some nights we have green beans, some nights black eyes peas. Some nights we watch the history channel, some nights we watch Teen Mom. It is all about balance :)



However:

We both love Jesus.
We both love shopping.
We both love to travel.
We both love pot stickers and World's Finest Chocolate almond bars.
We both love watching 48 Hours.
We both love roller coasters.
We love going to the movies.
We love playing board games.
We both love snow skiing.
We both love our life we have created.



I work full time so I try to spend lots of time with the kids when I am not with them. There are days when it seems like I have the best kids in the world. Then there is that day where I am shopping and turn around and the kids are gone and I look down the isle at JC Penny and Ryan is running screaming and laughing with one shoe on and Noah is chasing her screaming "I am telling MOOOOOOOMMMM". Or when Noah had just learned to walk and literally ran through the kitchen of a restaurant before I could catch him and I sat in the car with Noah and cried while Nathan got my food to go. It really is hit or miss. Do I have bad kids - no. I have amazing normal kids who have bad days or even just a bad few minutes. I lose my patience some days and literally cry in bed when going to sleep worried that they will not love me as much after that bad day. Then they are so happy to see me the next morning and all is forgiven. I am constantly praying for more patience.




Not to sound rude, but it is no ones business when I am upset with my husband, but his. I do not want to complain to the world about how bad my kids are. I love these people more than anything. My Facebook friends do not. I will always forgive them and move on. My Facebook friends will not - they will probably not even forget it as quickly as me.  I do have friends who ask me for advice about their spouses when they are hurt or they are concerned if they are justified in their feelings or not. I always make time to listen to them and help them see what is wrong and how to talk to their spouse about it. There is a difference in complaining and asking for advice.

So, I am not perfect. My husband it not perfect. We are perfect together. I am not the perfect mom, by far. I have so much to learn still but feel like I have also been through so much with them already. My kids are perfect for me however. They bring out the best in me and give me so much joy and hope in life.

Dog pile on Daddy!
I hope people can find hope in my happiness, not in a false reality. I drive my husband crazy daily
and he easily returns the favor. I love my kids more than anything but am constantly afraid I am screwing them up somehow. We laugh more than we cry. We smile more than we frown. We love every day.  So, the next time you see me post some cute pictures of my kids - know that there were a lot of awful, blurry pictures before that and I am usually having to bribe Ryan with gummies (which are oh so nutritional I know). The next time I put a cute quote from my oh so funny son, remember he had a meltdown earlier and said some not so cute things - but those will not be shared. The next time I profess some affection for my husband online, remember his clothes are laying in the floor approximately 2 inches from the laundry basket and I cuss him in my head as I pick them up. That is our perfect life :)

8 comments:

  1. Somehow you always find a way to say exactly what I'm thinking or something that's also been on my mind. I swear I think we were meant to be friends ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Must be something in the air ;) I do the same with your blog! I must agree though :)

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  2. Wow you mean you are human! LOL. I love your attitude, if more people stayed focused on what is right about their spouse instead of what is wrong there would be less divorces. Nobody's perfect, including me. Sometimes I turn it around and think about my shortcomings and think " wow! How in the world does my husband put up with me!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hard to imagine me flawed huh? ;) Thank you!

      Delete
  3. Jesse, I know we never really talked in school or anything cause mainly I was a poor kid and didn't have many friends at all, but after reading this and thinking the exact same things, I feel much better knowing that I'm not failing as a mother or significant other. Thank you for that, with everything that has gone on with my kids over the years this helps so much!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you for such kind words! We all need encouragement and support - especially with our important roles as mothers and wives! I don't recognize your user name - were you in my class in school?

    ReplyDelete
  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete