I call myself a Christian. I am not a perfect Christian and I do not know anyone who is but thankfully God is very forgiving. I was talking recently with a friend about how I am not ready to die, not because I am going to Hell, just not ready for Heaven. She said "oh I am, Heaven will be great!" I totally agree that Heaven will be amazing - but I have not seen and done everything I want to do yet. There are things I really want to see and experience that I do not think will happen in Heaven. I understand it that Heaven will take up from where we are in our lives when we die - only we will not have pain or struggles. While that sounds awesome, there are some things I just do not want to miss!
This friend I mentioned has no kids and is not married - I think this is a big part of the difference. I want to grow old with Nathan. I want to raise our kids together. I want to travel and see things with him. I want to be grandparents with him. I want to watch his hair turn gray. I want to reminisce on our amazing life we had together. I just want a long life with him.
I want to watch Noah and Ryan grow into an amazing adults. I want to watch them grow and learn new things every day. I want to see them learn to tie their shoes, write their names, count to 100. I want to watch them play sports (or try to). I want to teach them to drive. I want to watch them graduate high school. I want to make sure Noah knows how to treat a lady. I want see Noah fall in love with a woman and make her his wife. I want to watch Noah's whole world change when he sees his child born. I want to make sure Ryan is a strong independent woman who is not afraid to ask for help. I want to see Ryan get swept off her feet by her prince. I want Ryan to feel her child in her stomach and feel that bond. I want to watch them have a happy life. These kids are going to be life changers.
I know Heaven is going to be the most amazing place - but not getting to see and experience these things honestly would break my heart. If God came right now, I believe I would go to Heaven - but I honestly do not want to go right now, not yet. So, I literally start my prayers every night with "thank you for giving me another day". Another day with my friends, family, husband, kids - another day for more memories.